on the wall

Weeks, months, years... Time sure flies.

Went to JB a week ago & visited my old neighborhood. That sure brings memories. I can say I'm still young but I'm old enough to look back & laugh at all the dumb things I've done & be open to more dumb things when they do happen! The reality of everything is so ovewhelming. I can't help but think & see myself a few years ago & look at myself now to see what I've become.

Anyway, I'm close to finding out what I wanna do after all this & I don't see myself working in an cubicle for body else. That'll be the last thing I wanna do. I'm gonna make sure I get to do what I want to do & enjoy it instead of wasting my time slaving off for somebody else. I can dream, but those dreams are gonna be a reality.

policy

There's been so much going on around me & in my head I can't stand it but to let it all out. Instead I've been mentally & physically constipate by all this & literally I gotta shit it all out or I'm gonna burst! Now, where were we?
Reality is a harsh one. I was looking over my life insurance policy & I am proud to announce I will not be committing any form of suicide till after a year of my 1st insurance term. I can do it a year after & I can't fail 'cos if I do, then I wouldn't be able to claim my money now would I? Here's what's ironic, if I do commit suicide, I could get it , just not physically though...

Crap, I'm going in circles. What I guess I'm talking about is how a big joke life can be sometimes, if you could see the funny side of it. I mean here I am plotting how I can get away clean with my insurance money, meaning I have to kill myself without really dying, in legal terms, insurance fraud. hehe... Man... Mental constipation. Here it is. I shat it all out. Breathe it all in! Next!!!!!!!!!!!

return of the neutered

Learning is a constant thing & it's not confined in the classroom ''cos you don't really learn much. At least I don't anyway. I think that the classroom serves as a production line making, manufacturing mindless drones to contribute to the society & shit like that. Well, I haven't been really successful in that area so I guess I'm a failure huh? Only time will tell. I'll prove you all wrong! :) Anyways, I'd like to say hi to all of u guys out there. I haven't been inspired to write or anything 'cos I've been pre occupied, distracted, doing other things- thinking, pondering, dreaming & most importantly, I've been playing games on the PC so I guess I'm making up for lost time... Next!!!

read2

Running on the same lines as yesterday's post, I'd like to add that, the more we continue to enrich ourselves physically, mentally, spiritually & emotionally thru various activities like reading , exercise, making mistakes & learning from them, then I think we have achieved to better ourselves as well as better others around us. It all starts with you & me.

I think the world's problems will never be solved but with a positive attitude & a willingness to try new things, make mistakes & learn from them, all of us can make a difference.

read?

It just occurred to me while chatting to a friend recently, that we are who we are 'cos we know certain things people don't & they know certain things we don't.
Wanna know why the world is what it is? Why there's so much animosity & hate & misunderstanding?
It all comes down to knowing & seeing both sides of the coin.
You can't stand around, rant & rave, & tell people they're wrong & you're right without knowing why you think you're right in the first place. People think they've got it all figured out, but they don't, & neither do I.

example: I like Nirvana, you don't.
You have a right not to like it, but you cannot discredit them & put the band down, because they have achieved a lot & made an impact in many ways to millions of people worldwide.

It's the same as everything else in life. We are all entitled to like certain things & dislike certain things. The key factor of it all is understanding that there's 2 sides 2 everything. Until we understand that, the world will continue as it is & we will have made no impact whatsoever in making it a better place. That's what I think anyway...

warpd out

"Unlearn me, ditch what I read, behind what I heard.
Look, find, free! Do you get it yet? Do you get it yet?
Evidence, in the march of the ant, pulse of the sea.
Look, find, free! Do you get it yet, do you get it yet?
From here on it's instinctual, even straight roads meander.
Every piece contains a map of it all." ACLOTM- Incubus

Do what need be done, focus... Everything else will follow.
Time; blessing or curse? Or both?

A phenomenon so profound, its very existence, unfathomable beyond comprehension.
Chance?
Take it. She knocks on many doors, but the knocks, they echo off deaf ears.

Loop

There's this song that's playing on & on in my head. It's not my favorite song but it's a catchy tune, so there.

Today, I don't wanna talk about anything in particular 'cos from what I've observed, there's an underlying topic in all the crap you've had the pleasure of reading on my blog. My frustrations, insecurities, emotions. Most of it is there; if it isn't, you havent been reading between the lines.

As I've said time & time again, I'm going through a phase of transition, & my world as I know it has been turned upside down & inside out, nausea is an understatement. It's not as if it hasn't happened before but at this stage of my life where I'm finally realizing who I really am & what I wanna do with myself, it couldn't have come at a better time! C'est La Vie, the French say. In plain English, life's a cold blooded bitch. Life, the mystery of all mysteries; It sucks you in, & when you least expected, spits your dead, rotting remains onto the pavement, to be stepped on & crushed by the other bitch - circumstance!
I hesitate to say it 'cos it isn't anything I haven't said already, & I figure it wouldn't hurt to remind myself how true it all is.

To you people out there, wading in comfort, living your self-made, materialistic, mortal lives & thinking that's how it's gonna be forever, think again, the shit hasn't even begun to hit the fan! Don't take things for granted! Live life, every second, every day. Have a nice one, I'm out!

Gunk

It's 4 in the morning & what better time to further flood my blog with perfect nonsense? Lack of sleep apparently has the same effect as when I've had too much of it. Conclusion?
Either way I'm still screwed.
Yeah, pass the negativity around why don't I?

I wish I had a credit card & a shitload of cash. The possibilities of online shopping.
Sigh...
Now I know why Net freaks sit on their asses all day, browsing, downloading, chatting, shopping. It's a galaxy of things accessible at the click of a button.

Nothing beats the real world though. Blood,sweat & tears. The smells, sights, sounds; Sure, a picture is pretty, but watching the sunset by the beach with your friends or loved ones for example, is worth more than any picasso or da vinci.
The feel of the sand between your toes, the colors, the smells, the waves crashing on the shore...

Here's the best part- All that, & a wireless connection laptop! Best of both worlds.
Gotta love these sleep deprived moments! hehehe...

uninspire me

With absolutely nothing on my mind, (I think it's a birth defect but I think I'm going somewhere with it), I've finally had a breakthrough. Here goes...
This blog is supposed to be talking about me & things that make me, me & at times, I find that I stray from my original purpose & it sucks 'cos the only one I'm fooling is myself.

I won't go as far as saying I'm a writer or anything like that. A writer inspires, conjures magic with his words; stimulates his/her readers mind; is able to move a person in many ways & stir his/her imagination to new heights. I don't think I've achieved any of that, but writing is one of the few things I'm decent & I think I have a shot at developing it into something more than just stringing a bunch of words together & bragging about how good I am at it & shit.

These past few days I think I've been firing blanks & I hate it. I need to get out more, see more things, feed my brain more oxygen... Man, I wish I were back in Dgt.! I could trip on some shit & be inspired for a week! My think tank grown so stale...

garfield syndrome

I don't wanna sound like a fitness buff or anything but damn, having regular exercise does feel good! A couple more weeks & I'm good to go!

Dad's in Dubai for a few days & it's the boys in charge of the house... I wonder how we'll be coping.

The weather is as uninspiring as staring at a puddle of gunk. I swear, staying at home almost every single day is hell, but cloudy skies just make things worse... Monday blues, I feel like a certain lasagna loving, lazy, obese feline. I wish I was Garfield though. What a perfect life. Eat, sleep, kick ode's ass & get myself into trouble only to have something good come at the end. Sigh, dream on kid...
To other things, I'm glad I didn't have to wake up early today to send my brother to school. Apparently class is over for him. Good. I slept thru the morning like a baby & when I did get up I was just in time for brunch.

wee wee weekend

A problem with having such things as blogs or friendster accounts & similar things, it becomes a chore & a certain necessity. Take me for instance, for lack of a topic, this is it, in all its glory, absolutely nothing!!!

As I'm writing this down however, ideas are building up somewhere in my cranium. Encouraging signs, I hope. Dammit. Blank again.

A semester is over back in SU & I wish I could be part of the post-exam partying, & purposely fatten up San Miguel's' ever growing pockets. We're all winners I guess. They get rich, we have a good time, get drunk, have funny stories to tell about it.. yep... Life... Congrats to all my friends who've survived another semester of booze,sex,drugs, rock & roll, & of course SCHOOL. hehe... Cheers!

the point is?

I've been offline for a few days now. My dad decided we were havin' too much of a good time on the computer, so he pulled the plug, literally... Anyways, I've found an alternate source to connect to the outside world & it's like the invisible noose around my neck has loosened its hold a little bit.

Siquijor Sunrise, Summer '04

I've been biking around lately. It's like my newest trip. Nothin' feels better than biking in the morning. Especially with my trusty camera in hand.
The morning sun, always a sight, is one of my favorite things to see & take pictures of.
I don't know, it's just that there's always something about it that draws much curiosity & awe from a mortal mind.

Vent

Just watched another episode of Ed, & I must say there's never a reason not to watch it. If you watch Ed then, you'd understand.

Quirky characters, interesting & funny plots. A feel-good story about life & the surprises in store for each & every one of us. Too tired to get into details about the show right now; when I'm in the mood I'll be more than glad to share with you!
I kinda related with today's episode 'cos it was about looking back into one's past & comparing if one was happier then, than one was today.
I'm much happier today than when I was in high school. I still have that pissed-off attitude & rightly so, given the situation I'm in. I'm not letting that make me a negative person or anything, though.

I hated, no, I loathed my school! I had so much contempt for that place, everyday in that shithole was always something, yet I cherish what I experienced; I made new friends, learned a lot; not academically though. That place was not one I'd associate with academics. Screw that! Sports day, inter-class, playing soccer for the school; hehe, stupid self-study sessions after school where all we did was waste 2 f*ckin' hours doing absolutely nothing at all; detention; punishments, girls, you name it! I just hated the school! It wasn't the building. I liked it! It had a distinct aura about it. I miss the basketball court. I'll never forget the soccer games we had there. Bad thing was, we weren't allowed to play soccer in the basketball court back then. If we were caught playing it was either detention or some form of punishment, plus our ball confiscated forever! You know what? Now, my school has a fucking street soccer court. Neat. Did you know that my school's relocated to Woodlands? & that after I graduated? I used to get up at 5 in the morning so I wouldn't be late for school 'cos it was way away at Lavender! I usually got home about 5 or 6, & boy was I exhausted. & u wonder why I never did good for my O's?Now the damn place is just 10 min. walk from my house! Talk about ironic.

I just hated the fact that there was just so much bullshit goin' around, so much I just can't describe! I hated most of the staff, a bunch of characters they were, good luck to them! I'm relieved I'm out!

College, however, was different. I've never regretted a minute of it! Even though I've done lotsa dumb & stupid things! I've learnt much more about life & myself while in college.
So-called independence & freedom to do whatever I pleased, whenever I pleased was a luxury I never knew existed & how I relished every moment of it! Sadly, I had to temporarily give up all that due to unforeseen circumstances deemed inevitable by the powers that be. Karma? who knows...

The journey is just only begun. After NS, I'm gonna return from my reluctant hiatus & finish what I started back in SU!

Watch out world!!!!!!

comfortably numb...

on the way to siquijor- summer '04

Above is a pic I took last summer. Kenneth, Sol, EmEm,Tita Jen & myself went to Siqiujor to soak up some sun & chill out for a few days. Took this on the way there. It was my 1st time there by the way.

Apparently my thinking motors aren't up to speed with the rest of my body so I think I'm gonna go recharge for a while. be back later! I swear, a barrage of profanity is forming on the tip my tongue; I'm frustrated 'cos I can't think of anything to write at the moment.

stuff.....

For the last 2 weeks, I've been celebrating the blessings of another year in my family's life, notably my dad's, myself & my mom's...

Yeah, our birthdays are right after the other. My mom & I should celebrate together I think, 'cos her birthday's a day apart from mine.

After all the cake & ice cream & dinner out with the family, it's always nice to sit down, relax & reflect & most importantly, have a nice

TOILET BREAK!!!!!!!!

hehe, after all that food, you're bound to do a lot of that!

One thing I like about my camera is that it can take really good night shots.

That & in slow shutter mode, I thought I'd trip on my cam.

I was walking home with my bros from the MRT station, I think it was my birthday & we just had dinner; my parents stopped by a shop to get something & we decided to go ahead; I thought hey, why not take some random shots?

my camera in hand, not really focusing at anything specific except for everything else ahead, I just pressed the button while crossing the road. It isn't anything spectacular, but it kinda stirs my imagination somehow.

Jared has a knack of using my pictures & manipulating them digitally for his personal glory, & if he weren't my brother, I'd sue his ass, even if my pix aren't that great. I'm not a photographer, mind you. I just like fiddling around with my camera; he took this one so now I'm going to credit him even if he doesn't do the same for me in his blog! hehe...

We were on the train on our way home from dinner. We happened to be sitting at the back so we had a nice view of the tunnel & Jared took a picture.

We ate at this Nepalese restaurant in Little India. It was moms birthday. Dinner has never been so good! Nepalese food is a very interesting culinary experience for people who cook, as well as a near orgasmic one for my taste buds; Justin & were curiously examining every taste with each spoonful of food we stuffed into our hungry mouths, wondering what they used in their cooking. If you were there, our conversation would be something like this:

" hey, if you dip your papadam in this sauce, you can taste the cottage cheese! I wonder what they used to give it this color?"

"Really? I thought it was just goat milk yoghurt & spices! Let me try. mmm, yeah!".

Their cooking has a slight Indian influence, apparent in their use of roti's curries & their choice of spices yet possesses a distinct flavor that sets its apart from their distant neighbors. A perfect blend of spices & ingredients topped with good cooking & for lack anything else to say, it was one of the best dinners I've had! Roti's & spiced meat, vegetable dishes & dhall's; I swear, I think anyone will love this!

I tried some tea, a blend of flowers & herbs flown from the Himalayas, no sugar or anything like that, just plain tea. It was sweet on its own! We asked the waiter if they put anything else in it, but he said it was just that. Flowers & herbs, hot water & voila! The effect it had on me was so calming it was better than any drug could ever offer! I was kind of hoping to see patterns forming & swirling colors dancing around, but it was lovely tea nonetheless. I've found yet another hobby! As of now, I'm officially an amateur tea connoisseur!

The 4 of us. There was a slight wind & it was right in my face, so I wasn't looking my best. I hate myself in this picture. Not that I'm good looking or anything but, you know...

nyt lyt...

Shit... Yet another cause for displeasure...

I didn't save my post & i don't wanna write it all over again!

Foul words are oozing out of my mouth right now so i'll be back when i feel better... by the way, i took this pic during the weekend...

Nothing much to say about it but this is near my place & the moon was out.

moi...

That's me from last night... We went to an all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ...
Pigged out on almost everything! I came prepared though... I went on an empty stomach! FOOD TRIP!!!!!!!
hehehe...

ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHhHHH pt400

My photobucket album was erased yesterday! They said it was a bug in their system or something. Technology can be such a bitch sometimes!

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the meantime I've decided to not post pix 4 a while but I'll do as soon as I get my photobucket album up & running again.

To better things, I celebrated my birthday last night with my family for the 1st time in 2 years. It was a quiet gathering. Just us six, I had a nice time & it's made me reflect on lots of stuff like how I've had 2 birthdays wihout my family & how nice it feels when they're around even though i can't stand them at times...
I'm sorta at a loss for words at the moment. Particularly 'cos of this damn photobucket shit & I really can't concentrate on what I wanted to write. A moment of inspiration, obliterated albeit a minor incident, yet it still affects me whatever the hell you say! Hundreds of pix lost!!!!!!

PUTANG INA!!!!!! ( pardon the language...)

It's good I have backups though...

Bummer...

NEXT POST!!!!!

words......

"...what's life, anyway?

We're born, we live a little while, we die."

- Charlotte's Web, Chptr 21, Last Day by E.B. White

usa ka tu-ig

Dali-a sa panahon noh?
Di ko ka tu-o nga guwang na kaayo ko... hehe...
Here's to another year!
I'm so blessed to have endured the highs & lows of the past 12 months...
I don't know if I've grown for the better or for the worse, but I've learnt quite alot.

Eternally grateful for every second,every minute...
I thank the great unknown & mysterious forces who have contributed to my existence, my gratitude is so deep, words seem to have no meaning.

to see, to touch, to smell, to hear, to breathe;
to experience & cherish these mortal pleasures as if each day were my last;
This, my ode to life...

what lies beyond, one can only imagine.
The journey has only just begun...