publish post

(http://www.travelblog.org/Photos/1627162.html)


I'm at loggerheads with myself,
questionning the validity and intentions
of my involvement in next weeek's activities.

I'm not in the least bit reluctant and I'd
be the first in line to get on that plane away from here.

It's just this little task looming ahead,
and my fears of commitment and of bearing sole responsibility
for the outcome of it all is tearing away at me.

You're right.
I should just shut it because it seems like
I'm in deeper shit than I make it out to be.
At least you're making an effort to get ahead in your
predicament, unlike myself.

I've wasted an entire day,
barely thinking anything constructive;
I did the dishes, helped prepare for dinner.
Otherwise it was back to my mundane existence,
alternating between my online meanderings
and rummaging for snacks.

This hiatus;
yet another excuse to waste more time,
like I'm doing right now.
Like I've been doing for the most part of my life.

The seconds keep ticking away
and the world hasn't changed.


listening to: I'm broken -Pantera

...

No I'm not okay.

nothing. just air.

how many masks does one have to hide behind
before you're found out?
how do you keep it all in when you can't shout?

an open wound that won't heal;
a rampant mob that can't yield.

unpeel the layers off of my skin,
see the truth hid within.

bright light or black void...

snipppspspspsps

I'm sitting in front of my screen,
formulating words to express the sudden onlsaught
of morphing brainwaves slushing about in my cranium,
and amidst the constant search for that awesome new song
to be blasted from my speakers
(the result,a few doors in the house bang and lock in unison.),
the sudden rush of brainjuice kicks up a stir
in the old mental engine room
and pretty soon my fingers dance about on the keyboard rhythmically
and steadily tap-tapping away.

And in this random moment of inspiration,
the end result leads back to where it began,
the infinite question mark.

we go so far, but are we going anywhere at all?