musse

today was one of the rare occasions I got to really be with my family & spend some time with them, which awakened something inside, something that's been hiding away for the past few weeks, since things haven't been the way they should be but everything's fine for now, which I'm really thankful for;
one less headache.

I'm still bummed I didn't pass my SOC but it's behind me now.
Haizel was right.
Thanks a lot bro!

I've changed.
I've become more distant to everybody, less "there";
I guess it's just a front to hide, to take refuge from my insecurities, issues I thought were long gone or non-existent but somehow was there along dragging me down like a cancer striking when i least expect it.
I just don't wanna face the truth sometimes.

I listened to music for the first time in a week.
Music that I like anyway, stuff I hear around me, stuff I don't like, don't count.
it felt good.

I turn 23 on Saturday & I won't be celebrating it with anyone in particular.
(i'm that old already?)
I'm stuck in camp for some more training, jeez, when will itr end?.
That's not a complaint or anything, it's a fact that's all.
I can tell how my family misses me & how I miss not being around & it shows.
At times, it's good not to be around but I'd rather be somewhere else than in camp or at home if I wanna really get away from it all.
It just isn't possible.

I need to get me another book.
I just don't know what I wanna read at the moment.
I'm planning to get me QOTSA's previous album the one with Dave Grohl on drums.
I just love listening to them at the moment.

weekstart

weekends are becoming the only time I can do anything about everything which leaves me no time at all.

half ran half walked 12 km this morning.
had to.
Part of training.

mental soundtrack of the week:
you know you're right by nirvana

got me QOTSA's( queens of the stone age) Lullabies to Paralyze limited edition CD...
Haven't even played it yet...

that's how little time I have to do what I really want to & need to so I can stay sane long enough to get through the coming endeavors, of which are mentally & physically draining.

I got a pocket book as well it's a collection of illustrated dark stories by Tim Burton (big fish,Batman, Batman returns, Edward scissorhands, nightmare before Christmas etc...) which are kinda cool & twisted...
something to tuck me in before i go to bed at night :)

it's been a hell of a week.

It's tiring enough when I don't put in all my effort in training, what more when I go all out?

happy birthday to September babies...
fad, my dad, richelle & lots more out there, you know who you are!

peace out!

lament

Played pool with my Delta section mates...
I'm missing 'em badly.
I know it's only been a week or so but that's how it is.
Not that my new section mates are bad or anything it's just it all happened so fast & ended so abruptly, I'm still in shock that I'm in Fox(uck)trot & that everything is so fucking regimented & there's so many unnecessary things we could do better off without & we'd all be happy but noooo, they insist it should be this way & that;
all I can say is ok, screw it all, let's do this.
I know I'll come out of this physically unscathed except for the occasional spasm of anger followed by a verbal assault of profanities every now & then...

Damn the whole thing.

by the way, queens of the stone age rocks!!!
I'm gonna get their albums soon, gonna get me an mp3 player first...
It's a refreshing sound from the usual shit that's buzzin' around the airwaves days.
There just aren't many good new bands out there these days, so it's really refreshing to hear a new sound, & QOTSA kicks alotta ass.

tonight marks the beginning of my tour in Foxtrot.
A full week of hmmm, the same old same old with a touch of new here & there, still, aww fuck it.