rantabulous

Another two more weeks, and we welcome another new year.
It's Christmas in 9 days.
It's her birthday this Saturday.
And somehow I feel like I have nothing.
I don't wanna sound ungrateful,
but it's been quite an awesome year,
aside from some mounting problems that I won't mention here.
I've had yet another journey towards discovering myself
and whatnot and I've fallen flat on my face a thousand billion times
and I've hit some sort of a dead end for now.
It's not looking dreary, but it ain't pretty either.

Everybody should be blessed with being happy
and passing on that feeling to the next guy
and even more so, this time of year.
I think somehow I kinda got skipped over,
and rightly so I guess,
cos I couldn't do more.
cos I can't, and it's my fault.

Anyways, just ranting off my skull.
here's some pictures from the last few weeks...

Zai and me at Hudah's party. 

This is like the first picture we've had together since god knows when.
Shows how much we've all been busy with life.
And there's me sporting a hole in my perfect smile :P
Yeah I cracked a tooth and it fell off.

My awesome friend Mas with birthday girl Hudah and Mas,
Zai's girlfriend. 

Licia and me barbecuing the morning after her party

Joel, me and Jared at Embrace Them Ghost's gig, the last one before Jared left the band.

Credits to Tess for the picture. And instagram effin rocks.

this caught my eye at starbucks so I got her one. :)

gettin' domestic at the grocery store.

:)

SU Alumni Singapore Christmas Party.

cut my hair couple days back.

yeah, we all gut haircuts, 'cept for jared

joel muckin' about.

after. 

watch grave of fireflies by hayao miyazaki,

 and dance in the vampire bund, 

then make a trip to daiso and get yourself one of these.

doh seh

12 months I flew, I thought I knew,

but it hits me back.

vertical.

Am I on a downward spiral once more?
I wouldn't say I'm not having fun, but,
I'm not living.
I'm happy, 'cos she's there.
And I'm gonna have to step up to do the same.

The only way is up, and I've gotta go up.

cum shop. lol

she makes me smile.

bin

trashed.

i miss you now.
even though we spoke barely a few hours ago.

I'm going through a rough patch
with monetary concerns and I'm struggling to juggle.
I'm no circus act,
but I gotta do something.

I miss you.

Out

There's always a rough patch
And it seems like another one of those
is showing is showing it's ugly face;
A familiarity I've grown accustomed to,
to the point of revolt and disgust.
ah fuck it all.
I'll get out of this.

Ready

it comes to a point where you don't know what the fuck
it is you are doin or do you?
It seems certain but shades of grey line the edges.

Quandary

Messed up.
Can't be negative about anything.
I'm fucking done with being an emotional wreck.
I'm fighting on all fronts here and I fear I might
be losing a little.
But I can't lose.
I won't allow it.

Beginning

New start to a few things..
I don't know where to start.
Updates to come soon.

ill

I'm sick.
As in medically.
down with some upper respiratory tract infection thing...
stuck in bed the whole day.

craniumdrainium

wasted an entire day today,
my head was throbbing mad for no reason
so I stayed in today, drifting in and out of sleep.

watched TV downloaded some music albums,
had like a small bite.
Can't wait for tomorrow to end.

fight.flight.

An eventful week it's been, really.
What with the developments at the office
and/or lack of...
It's been rather disappointing,
but it serves as a fucking wake-up call for me and the rest.
Four more days till deadline day.

some random pics:

                                                       Lia

Joel                                       

Jared and Joel

punchbowl

I fucking hate Sunday mornings.

I'm wide awake now though.

 

Long week ahead of me, and a crucial 1 more month

that's gonna change a lot of things.

I've been thinking of you. 

outburst.

I need that space.

How much time can I really spare?

Anyways, updates...

mmm had a blast at Baybeats 2010 on Saturday.

Caught Chicosci and King Ly Chee. 

For lack of a more eloquent approach,

it was fucking awesome.

Went with Gabriel, Bryan, Barry, Suri, Isaiah and Muhsin.

Bumped into a hell lotta people there I haven't seen in years,

 so it was time well spent in many ways.

After that, I met the rest of the group and we went to Arab Street for sheesha and snacks.

We didn't go to our usual haunt cos it was packed so we settled for Pyramid Restaurant instead,

which wasn't as good cos the sheesha was pretty strong and they didn't do the fancy

stuff like put different liquids and use fruits as the tobacco heads and all that.

Chrystal and I got thirsty for beer so I got a couple tall cans of Asahi

from 7eleven and snuck it into the joint.

Didn't take more than a couple of sips for us to get caught so

we had to find us a cosy corner to enjoy our bev's.

I haven't written in a long long while and it feels pretty awkward really. 

Here's some pix:

april may...

I wish I could say more on this post

but I'm gonna hold out a little longer.

Some pics from the last couple months

using an app from my i-phone.

jared.

Madeleine.

Grace.

Zai.

Hui Min & Camille.

Bhai.

James.

some audiophelia:

happ--happy....

I've been really really busy this past month
so not much to share lately.

All i can say is I'm happy.
And that's all that counts doesn't it?

pics to come soon. lazy to upload.

april foolishly

Things have been rather uppitty lately.
At the expense of a little sleep.
But, worth it, definitely.
Meshy's birthday
Evelyn's birthday, both,
coinciding with Easter weekend.
Had a pretty fun weekend.
Plus, things on the business side
are looking a little rosy.
It's all up to me now.

drabble

It was a drab fucking weekend.
I can't say it better than that.
Spent most of my time on the tube,
online and what-not, ignoring the phone
and basically setting an a personal best
at being anti social, immersing myself
in my own thoughts, which I highly do not encourage
anyone to do all the time.

So Skins 4 is out and done with.
Overall the story and plot was decent
but it was kinda missing the rawness
and the brutal drama the first 2 seasons had.
That's what I think anyways.

By the way,
if you dig the awesomeness that is
Neil Patrick Harris, you should check
Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog.
I feel kinda behind the times but though
this internet released musical/short film
was like 2 years ago or something,
it's worth a watch..



Ok enough with the synopses and stuff.

Back to reality.
This week is gonna be better than the last.

m

Moving on,
What's my story and where's the ending.

So I've been cooped up at home the last couple days.
Down with a bit of flu
after doing a a few days of camp,
lost quite a bit of sleep
and I think it's taking a toll
on my weight and uh I dunno, I have a few things lined up
for the weekend, some social escapades probably.
Alicia Shawn Zai and Mas and a few of Licias friends are
gonna be out at Bintan partying and
because I'm a dumbass at keeping my $$, I won't be going.
I really should get serious at writing
some real concrete shit.

I think I've had a few good ideas but I never really
got to working on anything solid.
that's me.

white

blank page after blank page..

i heart effy

was watching skins 4,
And the latest episode
focused on Freddy
and two intertwining themes
were his relationship with Effy;
her escalating mental instability
bearing a similar resemblance to
Freddy's mom, who had some issues herself
and committed suicide a while back.

Skins 4 isn't as good as the first two but
I like where they're going with the
characters and though I think
the dialogue isn't as witty as
previous episodes, like
how Cris and Cassie do in season 2
when they become flatmates.

yeah I'm becoming more and more
random lately,
lot on the mind
so I'm trying to
put some of those thoughts down
before I drink them all away.

feba

I read your latest post Mara.
And I totally agree with the
'we all just wanna be loved' part.
In the end, nobody wants to be alone.

Here's the thing though,
and I think I've had a few online chats
with my dear friend over the years,
for her to agree with me that this charade
of falling in and out of love is a fucking drag.

Call me overly sentimental,
a hopeless sap, but...

ok, it's 06:58am on a Saturday and
I should have published this already.

I think the point I'm trying
to make is that
I can't escape the fact I'm getting
older,
and I don't know
the next time
I'll be able to
gaze aimlessly up
at a neon-lit, Singapore sky
while in each other's arms,
savoring the moment,
digesting the dinner
and customary beer;
making the best of a fleeting moment
bleeding it for all its worth;

It's been awhile and
I honestly wanna say it doesn't bother me one bit,
but it does.

Complications and complexities
accompany this modern day
relationship-type-thing,
and I've become so desentisized
and jaded to the notion
of leaving an open space for
the 'right one'.
It's 03:06am on a sunday morning now
and this post was started 2nights ago.

I'll follow up in the next post.
the average person has a very small attention span.
If you've read this far down my post,
well, thanks, and I hope I didn't waste to much of your time.
Or you're just as bored as I am.

snowy.

sometimes I'm so engrossed in
the technicolored world
the people in TV-Land paint
so vividly awesome and beautifully flawed,
that the thin fine line between reality
and what isn't is nothing but a blur.

What am I running from?


life unexpected. I heart shiri appleby.
and Brittany Robertson is a hottie in the making.

uppitty

reading tc boyle's tooth and claw.

Going on another trip to Bintan tomorrow.

21 grunts

A major sign I fucked up big time
last year hit me smack in the face last night.
I missed Green Day in concert!!!

Sure it might not sound like a big thing,
but to realize that a band who
I've been a major fan of, for, I don't know,
a mere 14 years or so, were in town and
that I hadn't done a thing to ensure
I got a once in a lifetime chance to see
them in the flesh, I don't think
I can forgive myself.
You see, if I can't even plan
for an awesome evening like this
(I could have done something about it
last year, seriously...)
which would be realtively easy
if I'd made any effort at all,
It just shows how much of a fuck up
I've made of myself the last 12 months or so.

3:23

went to the library couple days ago.
reading a new book:


Here's a tip for
nightowls like myself,
staying up all night watching old vids
of my favorite bands on youtube;
and If you're havin' the munchies,
try at all costs
to avoid eating cereal with Ovaltine
or any other choco/malt drink substitute.
It makes your head spin, honestly.

new song to learn:
tell me when it's time to say I love you
by Green Day



I miss the days
when I'd listen to an album
days on end and memorise all the lyrics
back to back.
Music just isn't the same anymore.

old lung sign

So I've been holding back
on echoing the exact same sentiments
of friends and loved ones.
2009 basically sucked.
It was a whirlwind
of mishap after mishap
and it was a year of comings and goings
and being left behind and moving on;
It was a joyride that turned
into a trainwreck.
What the hell happened last year?
I can't understand why I went through all the trouble
of voluntarily fucking my life up.

Well, 2009 is over.
This is now.

I just wanna take some time and share a little
bit about the holidays,
to remember a few people who are dear to me.

My first night back in the Philippines,
our first stop, Tagaytay.
Beautiful place.

http://www.etravelpilipinas.com/tourism_news/images/Tagaytay-Country-Hotel.jpg

Anyways, a quick shoutout to my nieces,
Nicole, Chloe, their brother Tyrone and their
mom, my cousin Gladys...

It's hard to understand or find an explanation
as to how things just happen,
but as my family was getting ready for a reunion
of sorts, other loved ones had a close brush
with death as their apartment burned down in the wee hours
of the 27th, our 1st morning in Tagaytay.
Thank God no one was hurt except for some minor cuts and bruises,
but what was important is they all got out alive.

Certain issues and problems on both sides of my family
are still in the process of being resolved and I hope
slowly and surely they all will.
The holiday season was a bittersweet concoction of
emotions for me but I'm looking on the bright side
of things.

I haven't churned out anything creative lately,
I need to read more.

Hi to all the friends I didn't have time to greet
when I was back in the Philippines.

Gosh this post feels so fucking dry...
Here's a few pictures from Tagaytay and Cebu
with me, my cousins
and relatives:


Cousins Dara and her kid Reece (in Orange), Vim, Jared, Justin, Joel,
Netch(Marcel's GF), JM, Marcel and Nico.














More pics to come,
gonna get the ones from Dad's I-phone