buzz

red sunset... can't say much. sitting around, eating army issued food in an open field with a few hundred guys doesn't do much to enhance one's sentiments but nevertheless, to see the sun set in its crimson glory is a rarity... 2 weeks. 1 week out field without bathing & brushing teeth. i'm bruised & aching all over, plus the sunburn & insect bites, i feel so alive...

3 days off. i can rest my skinny ass for a bit & let my feet breathe a little. wearing boots for 3 days straight is a luxury made for people soooo unlike me. i think my right foot just died.Wait, i think its already dead. How do u resuscitate a dead foot? mouth to mouth is definitely off the list. there's so much shit swimming in my head right now & i don't know what else to write. I'm funny that way i think.
I'm missing my friends & fmaily more & more as camp prgogresses. One tends to appreciate something even more when that something is nowhere around. This walk is evergoing. So far, I'm not bummed out yet. Still a long long way to go. I dont know what else is in store but i'll be there, somehow.

sentiment

Another extensive, physically & psychologically draining 5 days has come & gone. I'm going back in again tonight. Every week gets tougher & tougher; in a way i'm enjoying it.
But some part of me doesn't want to go. On my way out of the house, a rush of nerves hits me like a brick, & i get that feeling like it's the 1st day of school & you're gripping your mom or dad's hand tightly, not wanting to let go, but you know that sooner or later you have to & you can't escape it no matter what because that's just how things work.
There's just some things in life you just can't run away from & this is one of 'em.
Wish me luck, again. I'll be back in one piece. If not, well, c'est la vie.

floodgates..5 days 2 remember

...Deep in the pits from which my darkest thoughts lie hid, a force has stirred, awoken, gnashing & thrashing wild, violent in its rage; silently it races upwards in the lightless abyss of its being, devouring everything in its path like a tempest in its fullest force.

This week was not so good. It's been a long, weary 5 days, & a lot has happened. I've been hoarding so many things in my head lately, so I'll take this opportunity to vent my suppressed emotions. I've been keeping them in a zip lock bag so they wont be soaked by anything else swimming around in my empty head. I'm just fucking pissed off that's all. Not at anyone in particular. Maybe at myself & a few distinguished people, but not in a personal way.
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know...
Tomorrow's another day, so the slate will be clean & the seas will calm down.

My journey goes ever on, my feet, blistered & bruised.
My skin, rough & sun-kissed.
For years I've walked this road, searching, wandering about;
In search of what, I do not yet know. have I wandered in vain?
A fool, on an aimless quest.

Pt2:

Thoughts-
This place can be lonely sometimes. I've made a few friends here & there but I still haven't met people on the same wave length. I can adapt to almost anything, anybody, anywhere, but I haven't really met anybody who I can talk to about things I'm interested in. Most of them here see only the small picture. Their scope is minute in stature, yet that doesn't make me better than them. We all will learn.

Day in day out, when I get the chance, I gaze up & stare at the sky.Anyway, every few minutes, a plane flies by. A ray of hope peaks through the clouds of despair in my head, as memories of days gone by flood my head & I long to return home & go back to how things were before. Every single time a plane passes by, I tell myself, "one of these days, that'll be me up there". Soon, the smells & sounds of home will be reality. Soon. Not yet, but some day soon. It's not wishful thinking. Every single day brings me closer. Completing this unexpected, enlightening, interesting & fucking-back-breaking phase of my life (pardon the profanity, but there's no other way to emphasize my point) isn't going to be easy; sometimes it's fun but I won't wish this on myself if I had a choice. Everything has its good & bad, & I think it's all a bunch of bullshit. Like they say, each to his own. I'm gonna stay as far away as I can from it. That's what I think anyway. No offense to those who are in there, but I think it sucks & it's not what I want. Still, I will gain something from this experience. I think I've gained a lot already. No matter what anyone else says, there's no way I'm gonna change my mind about what I think. I may be wrong, but my gut tells me I'm on the right track. leter.