snippets

hahaha can't get enough of this...

























Dec.13th
zoukout 2008








it's been a frustratingly jet-fuelled rollercoastertrainwreck of a year.
I hope next year isn't so bad.
gots to remind meself to buckle up.
life's a rough ride.






Check your vital signs.
Chances are you're already fucked and you don't know it

drop a line

Brushing off the post christmas blues,

am i happy? are you?

you'll tide

clink clink clink.
It's the last sound i'll hear.

whoosh

riding on the back of a wave,
the waters are calming down.
soon i'll b washed ashore,
maybe underground.

it would be better to see,
if it wasn't only me.
possibility...

tire spokes

it ends and begins with you.
it's what i didn't do.

annum signature

it's been hard translating what
little brain activity
i have left into words.
The year's coming to a close yet again.
clink your glasses people.
hug your smelly pillows tight, give your mom a a big kiss.
tell those you love what you truly feel.
It's the last time this year you're ever gonna have a chance to.

s.h.y.m.l.

my bros band...

planted in the dark

Idiot Pilot. Awesome band.

i got your message....

I love you to bits but you got me in fits;
my own undoing, for reasons unknown.
Irrationalities... gnawing at my insides.

I can't tear my ears from out of my head,
as much as i want to gouge my eyes out,
the very thing I want,
is the very thing I can't have.

lose

i think i got it!!! i think i do!
i think i got it.. wait...
i don't think i got it.

grabbing air, you feel it and it's not there,
but you know it is.

i wana watch avenue Q again!!!

terminal

I used to have little insightful hopes.
An inkling that the weird and wonderful images in my head
would someday soon be realized.
But I have a knack for letting opportunities slip by.
Chance after chance after chance;
A never ending archive choked full of new beginnings...
It's been going on for years and now I'm old.

Remember those moments, when you were younger?
Way back when, fooling around with your lego blocks,
wrecking your matchbox cars on purpose
and creating some hybrid mutant toy monster out of the
synthetic ashes of broken mangled pieces of die cast metal and plastic,
that someday, you would be somebody.
Do something great like killing alien monsters the size of a skyscraper,
pilot a giant robot, ridding the earth of pollution in green hair and red-and-white tights, learning martial arts from a mutant rat while living in the sewers and eating pizza... Oh the possibilities!

But we all know our technicolored inspired aspirations don't last for long.
We grow up, discover the reality of making the grade in school,
and the importance of being cool;
Pretty soon the hormones kick in,
and that's when the troubles start pouring in.

Years pass, and the lines grow thick on our faces,
this tired body, now more or less fully formed;
moulded by life on the drink, pills, dope, smoke, late, late nights...

Within this seemingly effervescent exterior,
what secrets lie hid?
behind this smile...

answer

So who is this scrawny kid...

evil laugh...

a little too much to drink,
8 hours on the job and a lack of sleep.
This is what happens after...

blows

something in the wind
and it ain't gordon's ass.

that's a good thing actually.

memories dos

memories

freehugs

http://www.myspace.com/freehugscampaign

futuresounds

The next big thing.

Stay Tuned...

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=29793478642

...

www.reasonstoleave.net

whizzz

Best birthday I can't remember.
3rd Oct '08, I remember the jap buffet cos mom's bday
and mine is a day apart.
Then there was zouk.
And the jaegerbombs, and the spiked jaegerbombs,
laced with belvedere,grey goose and/or martell,
thanks Eugene and Cedric.
It was a memorable, night,
Particularly the series of events that ensued of which i have no
recollection whatsoever.
Here's to another dent in my liver,
a few hundred thousand more dead braincells, and to a good time,
for everybody present.
And, uh, whoever found Rumi's phone, do what is right, will ya?
And if you chanced upon with malicious intent, i hope you rot in hell,
not before enduring and possibly surviving a truly tragic and traumatic
life shattering episode of drama soon to make reality a tad more interesting for you.
Salud!

40proof tear

I cried.

...frosting makes me live

And it's been like this, going round and round, spinning about aimlessly,
crash-landing in the same spot over and over again for years.
And the realization that this very same spot never fails to remind,
my ageing brain is that this spinning phenomena needs to re-locate.

fuckthisseriously

Conclusion, there isn't any.
It's the same it's the same it's the same.

blowww

bubblegum conundrum.
chews and spits.

ding

So, here i am, and it's like the familiar monotony
that follows a daily report of my non activities;
musings, rants, nonsense.
Twanging strings, rearranging the furniture;
Peering out the window, lots of dust.

kungpow

I wanna be a bottle of green tea.
'Cause you're sweet.
All you ever do is get filled up and emptied out.
Nah, I don't wanna be a green tea bottle.

inanimate

I've said it many times before,
I find Im having to say it more;
But nothing ever happens,
because getting it done is such a chore.

bobo

frustrating how I shoot myself in the foot,
not a lousy aim, just the trigger finger that's fucked.

poof

tickingtockin'
i'm tired of talking,
all this walking bones are aching
seconds float about like bubbles burst and splat
it's gone like that.

ramble in the jangle

had a long chat,
about this and that,
about mice and cat,
tit and tat.

No reply, no sound left my mouth.
Auto nods, a blank stare, expressionless.

If they knew what i know,
if they'd seen what i've done,
will i still be me, will i still be a son?

it tears my heart into tiny little pieces,
unnecessary burdens weighing me down.

I love me, i love them loving me,
I want to be loved.
I want to love but I can't.
I can't love myself properly.

Pain. It hurts.
I love the pain.
I want to be happy
I want to be sad.
I must be mad.

1+1 is....

It's gettin so much clearer now, seems like it isn't so hard after all.
Nostalgic fools wallow in the past. I'm drowning.
I can't swim and treading water is impossible.

said

Can't undo what's already been done.
Can't un-say what's already been said.
A can of worms.

pedestrian ish

the green light blinks;
it's been that way for 300 months.
Busted l.e.d.'s don't make a difference, no one's gonna fix it.

One foot forward, it's that difficult to do,
blessed with the luxury of not having to look both ways.
fucking green light.

contraceptive

fuck it up big time.
no one cares, so you just fuck it up anyway.
what else is there to lose?
You've nothing to start with anyway.
Fuck it.
X fuck it.

sugar

The answers have always been right in front of me.
I never did pay attention to detail. Unless it mattered.
Nothing does anymore. Except for a select few.
Why do i even do this to myself, baffles me even more.
Every breathing second for the last year or so,
i've let it drain me, bleed me, hurt me, scar me,
but i still let it happen, i continue to pursue it
in the vain hope that at least the slightest reaction
awakes in me a short lived glimmer.
I have to forget. Forget how it came about,
forget how and the why. Forget.
Because the memories were happy.
But the future writes a different story.

red is not.

there's nothing to whine about. nothing to complain.
I did it. Rather, I didn't. It's why I'm still here.
HOPES AND DREAMS remain, what they always have been.
Vague.
It's the simplest thing isn't it?
It's the most simplest motherfucking thing.
You're right about me. Every single word.
Dunk me in salt. I wanna blister like a slug.

long walks off the beach. asphalt is a crude replacement

90's alternatives, nostalgic sentiments.
i see a boy and a girl, side by side, on a swing, huddled up.
on a vast field of green grass, and trees.
The sky is clear, no clouds in sight.
All they have is the now and each other.
Song ends, next track...

A gazilion complications that make up our little story.
Long bus ride, full tummy, empty heart.

A dozen cigarette butts, littered along many a wasted day,
worn keyboards and bacteria laced fingers;
a result of careless neglect.

Green tea. No sympathy.
It's the cloudless empty skies and me sitting under the flyover as the trains cruise above,
bad habits, the list is a page long now.
A lady in a short white dress, short hair too, zoned out on her I-tune audiotrip,
be my sugar mama? i'm a half decent boy.

i'm thinking of all the things that could be thought,
and all the things I'll never do.
It's good to be you.

co ed

In all its swirly splendor,
the small matter of existence is a love-hate burden.
Not that we have a choice.

fuckall

I'm weary of all the petty games being played.
It's getting stale and redundant and cold;
A means of entertainment for everyone else.
We lose out.
Or do we, really?

fuck em,

fuck em ,

fuck em,

fuck em all...

need a new watch

Seems I've been a repeat participant in this little game of counting the days to whatever it is that is significant at the moment. It's tiring.

tiny tot

Lying low for 2 days, ciggies, tv and tea and good company makes for decent conversation and a hell lot of stoning off into our own little worlds.

dotdotdot

Weird vibes. Solitary confinement. Self imposed, but left without a choice.
2 weeks is a long time.

brainjuiuces

she's right. about me. And what do I do about it huh? what indeed.
Dust still hasn't settled but I feel I'm onto something.

dying to reach

At the end of the day, all that really matters is fading smoke, blowing softly into the air, non-trivial banter, the touch of skin, the smell of hair, hugs, between like minded individuals who matter. He says we dance a childish dance, and most times it's true.

gingko biloba

Clarity. Sometimes it takes a little poison for me to realize the actual state of things. The stinging sensation that often comes with truth is painfully comforting. It's, real.

scatterd bum cells, soybeans and poofy lips

if i could find a way not to speak, through verbal words, and speak with my mind and not my voice, i think i would truly be. You wonder sometimes, how and why people behave and act in their little quirky ways. My quirks and many misdemeanors somehow emanate from the fact that my body and my brain are out of sync.

Wed. tats and tits are havin a good time. At least one of them did. Tats says it was a drag; was gettin stale, one of 'em had to bail. Tits had a little flame. It was good.

as for poochie, babysitting duties were part of the itenerary. Jam and bread, a little too much milk for the two. poochie was on hand to keep an eye on the two. 80's beats and fancy meats, on display but none poochie would or could attract. Snakes and ladders were laid out bare, no one would touch her, no one would dare. pretty men too many a drink, unloads in the sink, along with the stink on his shirt, poochie scrubs off the dirt. girls late arrival sparks a revival, and all but the day is saved. mcdonalds with four, and just before six, we pack it all up and head off to stop.

365mor days then

Sobriety at its best, and tipsy stupors in the morning. Meshy's a year older. Clear spirits have been a good friend, on many a night, and in the mornings as I've found out. Engaging conversations have been a constant absence in my short years, and the feeling of having had 5 hours of some has been wonderfully pleasant. Here's to another year.

boomboxxd

Financially and socially incapacitated, i have become just another number.
The weekend is looming and I haven't the slightest hint of enthusiasm about me, other than the thought of getting shit faced on my friend's birthday this Sat. and my presentation earlier on the same morning.
After that, I'm not really sure.
Debts to pay, things to get and stuff i need to sort out, I'm getting busy, but not in the way i want to be.
Monotonously dead and so, so fucking frustratingly lacklustre and dull, its become such an unnecessary burden, just being me these past few weeks.

slumbd

boredom is my best friend. Lately i've been on a one dimensional train ride to fuck-all boredville. Nothing new, everythings gettin stale and old and mouldy. The fact I'm not doin' anything about it isn't helpin either, and so we find ourselves, stuck, bored unmotivated fucking numbed out of our heads at home in front of a screen. Its only wednesday.

now and when

been out of things to say and do and just been my usual unmoving self. where i go from here is something i've known and have dreaded.