after burn

moving on.
 it's a long hard road to recovery,
knowing and facing truths;
a reality you can't accept and fathom
but have to endure in hopes that,
eventually, it will indeed get better.
She did you a hella good, son.

And you did what you could,
but could've done more.

It's eating me alive.
I'll get by.
I will.

updates

Things have been going relatively well with life so far.
I've got a job, finally...
I'll be able to start paying off my debts
and start living again.

flunkdmath

i created a tumblgr page. It's so i can post my instagram pics online,
its much easier to do that there than on here.
I'll still be going to and from this place and the other
so no worries. :)

flunkdmath.tumblr.com

cheers!

oopdayets

instagram has taken over my life.
I haven't been able to rant and rave
as much as I should here.
Rest assured I'll try my
bestest to keep up
and update.

So here's a quick lowdown...
I'm still bummin about,
I tried out for the SIA thing,
didn't make it this time,
but next one I'm trying out again.

mmm things are still messy with
her, but we're finding a  common ground
and trying to be as grown up as we can,
her doing a better job than I can,
funny how that is since I'm older,
but maybe it's always been a guy thing,
no  matter how old we get, seems like
we're less grown up than our better halfs.
I don't know...
ciao for now.

picspicspicspostnewpics

Mel and Mae 

bloody finger.
my brother jared
 
polaroid gaynicity
helly, me and ivan
why you feet so big little brother?

breakword

I keep doing it to her to us I ask myself why all the time and try to make sense of it all and the result is the same. always. apologies count for nothing if you keep making the same fuckups again and again. I have to stop. being this way. It kills.

pusillanimous

Just got back from Bintan, Indonesia
over the weekend and getting back into
the groove of normality.
hi world...

off me chest

How did things get so fucked up, we ask?

There really is no answer to that.

How do you fix it?

Can it even be fixed?

How do you get on with it,

with life, and the possibility 

that the future isn't gonna be too pretty?

You love her, 

yeah you tell her all the  time 

but you don't  do shit about it

and still you try to piece together 

a future that is so fucking blurred and uncertain

based solely on a gut feeling,

envisioning the both of you

together, finally, despite the odds 

heavily stacked against you.

neither of you knows for sure,

and it's been months.

she loves you too, you know?

You jackass.

Days,weeks, months,

it's been that long.

You've got nothing.

Nothing but a messy mop of hair,

a bed you rarely sleep on,

replacing it for the limitations of the living room sofa,

now dusty, and mite infested,

the very reason you moved out of your room in the first place.

Empty pockets except for a few bucks worth of coins and notes.

Slowly but surely  you're disappearing off of

everyone's radar, forgotten, a distant memory.

Life is beautiful, it really is,

when the bad has passed and the credits start rolling,

and everybody leaves the theater happy.

Until then you gotta pick yourself up,

pull yourself together and get prepped for the next act.

You might just find out who gets the girl after all.

a cause for concern

I hate myself and I wanna die.

Kurt Cobain initially wanted to name Nirvana's last album that.

That phrase pretty much sums up everything right now.
Not that I'm thinking dark thoughts of razor blades
syringes, excessively fatal amounts of happy-inducing
narcotics and shit like that,
(a welcome notion, if only the consequences weren't
such a drag)
it's just this huge weight of frustration and nonsensical
fucky skedoodads and everything else you could sandwhich
between two slices of monkey poop bread and dressed with a
ridiculously generous dollop of fuck-you sauce is a bane.
yummy.

fourtnight

Valentines...
came, went, gone.
not bitter, no not  bitter at all..
trivial, these things.
More pressing matters need to be addressed,
though one would welcome a state of playful undress.
not alone, no definitely not.

weeks pass,
my hair is as shabby as I feel,
and I feel... empty.

I'll welcome the mundane formalities of blue collar-ness existence
over sticking it out putting my ass on a plate and deal with people.

I'm on my way.
You might not be there in the end.
I wish and hope you could.

titleRequired

screened


cream. yeah, I love to stir shit up in the kitchen.


fruits of my labors, bitches.

all gone.

14th feb...
Somethings up today, don't know what;
hmmm... ah well.

Ok, job hunt,
fingers crossed,
Should know the good news end of this week.
So until then, it's freelance.

I'm gonna experiment more with desserts,
gotta feed my sweet tooth cravings.

Been listening to a hell lotta music lately
though some 90's alternative always does it for me,
can't blame me for growing up when music meant something.

iron

Mel called and asked if I could help out at his shop today with some things.
boy what a load of things it was.
manual labor mostly.
A freight containers worth!


There's more boxes behind those
and beyond the ones in the background



James


psychokitteh

mondaze

So I'm on my search still to get employed
and reduce a little of my deficit and put some
crumbs on my dads table. I owe him more than that;
way fucking more.
he's been picking up after my mess that's been going on for oh so long now.
I'm happy I've updated my CV after putting it off for eons.

Life's a funky mess, and the little streaks of light poking out at the
seams are encouraging and somewhat uplifting.
Lots more to be done and to achieve, and plenty of little stones
to clear away, before I walk upright, head held up high.
maybe not alone as I'm used to, who knows.
Fingers crossed, bite my tongue, pray, and hope and wish
things go the way the stars align, and would allow.
Whatever comes my way, I'l take it especially if I bring it upon myself.
I've promised myself I'd do things different.
Yeah, you've all heard that before, and still, more often than not,
I end up bathing in my own shit.

It's not gonna be like that, and things better pick up,
it's a challenge to get up, dust yourself off, and do something worthwhile
after sitting around doing nothing for God knows, it's been so effing long.

She gives me hope.
There's not a time I don't stop and think that somewhere out there
someone is quietly rooting for me.
Her especially.
I think of nothing but good, pleasantly awesome times.
Probable, maybe, iffy, we'll see in the end.

indulgeneeyepoop

I'm crazy about Instagram. 

Most of these were edited with Instagram filters on my 3gs. 

 yeah I know...

 was watching MTV the other day. 

Dragonforce was on. Nothing much nice on MTV anyways.

For a very long time.

 My brother Jared's elephant, courtesy of a special 

someone's christmas box goodies

Kurt Cobain. Rock God. Artist. Poet. Idol. Hero. 

 jack skellington

 you can put your weed in it. don't have any. 

don't do any, so don't bother asking anything more

 ok. Liverpool fc. I love the Beatles though.

 bus ride looking out.

 chinatown.

 still chinatown.

 gotham central. anybody who's been to this Area

 near Arab Street,  Singapore will know why.

My buddy, esteemed Attorney :)  Fel  took this of me 

 yeah. laugh. go ahead. laugh.

  t shirt.

walk.

innoparticularorder. foodsimplyfood.

food. enough said. 

My whole family loves to eat.

Especially when it's from your own kitchen.

yummo.

leftovers make a new meal.

My dad made the pasta, justin did the chicken,

and I was on salad duty.

mom's brown bread loaf.

 Burger night. pork&beef patty made with carrots and herbs, 

cheese,egg and salsa on a bun. all home made.

 Jared's version, twin sunnyside up with salsa and wedges.

 Song Fa Bak Kut Teh @ clark quay.

 Joel munching on his own burger

 My favorite peanut butter. Ever.

 Hand tossed salad.

 my famous eggs

 My buddy Fel flew in from Phil and we sure had a blast 

@ Song Fa Bak Kut Teh

bananas, nutella,cheese on crackers. 

 my not so perfect roast pork.

 ham,cheese,roast chicken on brown bread.

 Jareds wierd mix of pasta and egg sandwhich

 Justin's ribs and chicken combo. 

Had this for dinner last two nights ago

My gandpa owned a bakery. 

I'm learnin the ropes from my dad, an engineer 

so I can pass it on to someone someday 

so they can make an insanely awesome sandwhich.