dreamdreamdream

I had a dream last night, or this morning, whichever way you wanna see it. I won't share the exact details 'cos I don't want to.

It wasn't a recurring one but it kinda had a significance about, that kinda hit me. It was like when I had my 1st (& last, so far) shroom session, & we had a little too much.

That was one of the most mind-blowing experiences I've had in my entire life!

I fondly refer to it as the 'Mindfuck', a term I've often used if you're a frequent reader of my stuff. All I can say about that experience was that I learned many things about myself & it was like the answers to all creation, time & space & life itself were in my hands. I find it, even to this day the most enlightening experience I've ever had.

A kind of spiritual connection almost; it was scary at some point but in hindsight, that was the 1st time I'd felt I'd known myself more than I have in my entire existence!

Anyways, what I can say is, I saw things I really wanted to happen & people who I really wanna be with but can't because of some circumstances.

Have you ever woken from a dream & you had this really strange feeling, like, something that was lingering, subtle, in your thoughts, avoiding all radars till it kinda personified itself in your sleep? There's really no way I can explain it, but I know what I dreamt meant something.

Sometimes I feel that our subconscious tries to tell us something, sometimes sending us signals so faint, the truths in them so apparent that we wonder why we take them for granted. What am I getting at? I don't know, really, it's just that what I've been feeling for some time kinda magnified itself thru my dream. Weird huh?

I'm a deeply imaginative person.

I just have trouble expressing it.

If you ask me to draw or paint something I was thinking, it'd look something a kindergarten kid would do, & do better, mind you!

I think writing is one of the best mediums for me, however.

Well, that's over & done with.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

i've been thinkin', but who hasn't?

Lately I've been deep in thought
about many things.
Things that are bothering me;
things, things, things...

I still miss home.

I saw my friend's new picture the other day.
It was taken in one of my old haunts,
& I wanted so badly to be there,
(to be in any place, to bask in its familiarity & comfort i got from knowing that,
this is my world; here, i can be what i want to be, who i want to be)
to sit around, talk & chat, share some jokes;
watch people pass by, minding their own business;
take in the intoxicating aroma of ground coffee, sip some beer,
it's bittersweet-ness, refreshing.

My adopted town, Dumaguete, comes to mind
ever too often & memories of days gone by play back in my head;
a montage of images & video clips lovingly stored in some crevice of my brain.

The consolation is i'm coming back.
So there's lots to look forward to & every day is a step closer so there's no use sulking.
Besides, if life were predictable, it wouldn't be much, would it?
We'd be doing the same things over & over, day in-day out,
till our backs fucking break from all the machine like, 'black-&-white' insanity of it all.

I'm sorry, I can't be, perfect

I told you!!! Man Utd won. 'Nuff said.

Anyways, I've lost all track of time & space & everything else is just a shady blur. Remember me talking about not sleeping right? I think I'm sleeping too much this time. Not that I'm complaining or anything. Just stating a fact, that's all.

What's on my mind right now? Nothing much really; Not much to write down, but my thoughts are a jumble of twisted images of fantasies I'd much like to experience & indulge in, but will never share to any living soul. Not yet anyway. I think I'm gonna make a blog that specializes in just that. Hmm... Jon's sicko twisted sci-fi fantasy tales of the perverted mind... Anybody seen Heavy Metal magazine? Something like that.

Moving on, I'm loathe to criticize or bad mouth people, but I need to clear some bad air.

I'll be the first to say that no one in this world is born perfect & that everybody is different & unique in every way; This makes some people act differently & be seen as strange & sometimes unacceptable to others.

I don't know, but I can relate to people who want to be different & do things unconventionally. I'm kinda enlightened that way... (hehe, self promoting, but it's true!)

If I was a narrow-minded prick, I wouldn't bother, but I'm not; Something I'm grateful for. If I am though, please let me know & I'll gladly apologize & congratulate you for being honest & at the same time, learn more about myself.

Many people, including myself sometimes, just love to talk about others shortcomings & faults & are blind to our own imperfections.

Human nature, yeah, sometimes I wish we'd all see the bigger picture, but you just can't change the perceptions & thoughts of others. They have as much right to oppose what you & I think as we do them.

So what does one do?

How does an individual act out his life?

Does he/she live out his /her life for for the scrutiny of ignorant, shallow hypocrites who barely even know themselves?

The answers are many, but for me, I don't want to be like everybody else.

I hate how society dictates how one is 'supposed' to behave & act.

I think one should behave as he/she wishes, as long as he does no harm to others.

All I'm saying is, people, take a look in the mirror.

Don't look out the window till you've seen every wrinkle, any blemish, any sign of perfection;

Don't you look out that window & start judging the imperfections of others till you've taken a long hard look at your own.

Wednesday

I'm getting nearer & nearer to my target.
I've been running around my neighborhood for a bit & the last time I did, I stopped a few traffic lights from my block.
Today I went for a jog & I stopped one traffic light away from home.
hehe...
In a few days I'm gonna be able to jog nonstop along the route I usually take & then, I'm gonna go jog somewhere else. This week I'm all for slacking & focusing back on getting ready for my freakin' NAPFA test which should've been done & over with a long, long time ago.
As I'm typing this, Manchester United is gonna kick "Arse-Anal's" ass in about 3 hours time. Don't get me wrong, Arsenal's got a good squad with great players like Dennis Bergkamp & rising stars like Fabregas & Flamini but hey, United all the way.

Go United!!!